31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

Ephesians 5:31-32 (ESV)

Today, many brides and grooms are trading in the traditional “till death do us part” for what they claim is a more realistic promise: “I’ll stay with you for as long as our love lasts,” “. . . for as long as our marriage shall serve the common good,” or “. . . until our time together is over.”¹ Of course, the defenders of these new formulations are proud they represent “honesty,” but how noble can it be to promise someone you will love them until you do not? Indeed, the people making these watered-down vows are simply doing to marriage what society has done to virtually everything else—reducing it to mere taste and base personal preference.

Throughout Ephesians, Paul describes Christ’s work—from all eternity—to save His people and make them His own. It is a lasting relationship, enduring throughout “the coming ages” (2:7). So when the apostle turns to the topic of marriage in chapter 5, the groundwork has been laid for a powerful analogy—that a man should be as committed to his wife as Christ is to the Church. And the imagery points both ways, for marriage should in turn be a testimony to the love and constancy of Christ (5:32-33). When a couple treats their vows dismissively, they “preach” a false message, undermining the word of hope that the Lord is faithful to those with whom He has joined in a covenant of salvation.

Unfortunately, many people have devalued their vows, making the content and duration completely negotiable. By this non-standard, it is not surprising to hear recently a Hollywood actress promise, in the ceremony, to make her betrothed his favorite banana milkshake, while he promises to “split the difference” over thermostat settings in the home?² With so light a view of marriage, the wonder is not that so many marriages end in divorce, but that others do not.

The great danger for Christians is that they will lazily adopt the world’s understanding of marriage, coming to see it as nothing more than a social contract that each couple defines for itself. Alas, there are signs that much of the Church has already done so. Yes, there is hope, but the cure involves more than new classes in communication skills and conflict-resolution. It demands fresh appreciation for the theological weight of marriage itself. Couples must come to understand that it is not “all about them,” but also and urgently about the work and honor of God and His Son, Jesus Christ.

Footnotes: