27 You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell.

Matthew 5:27-29 (ESV)

Their eyes brimming with tears, the couple is seated in the pastor’s office. The wife has stumbled upon her husband’s Internet history and found that he has been frequenting pornographic sites.1 She is crushed by this discovery, grieved that he has not found her sufficient for his desires. But more than this, she counts herself the victim of adultery. He has been unfaithful with his eyes and heart, and she even wonders if she has grounds for divorce. He, on the other hand, is dismayed at the fuss she is making over this. In his mind, he was just acting like a normal, red-blooded man. Besides, there was no actual physical contact with another woman, no real adultery. He is embarrassed and sorry for what he has done, but he cannot imagine what all the bother is about. Both husband and wife need to get their bearings.

In his case, he should understand that lust itself is dreadful. It is a practice so perilous that the sinner might consider drastic measures to stem its influence. Jesus even suggests blinding (v. 29) or mutilating (v. 30) oneself if necessary. This is likely hyperbole, designed to underscore the gravity of the situation. As verse 28 explains, the problem is with the heart, not the eye or hand, and bodily disfigurement leaves the lusting heart untouched. And that sort of corrupt heart is the fount of all sorts of evil action (cf. Mark 7:21).

It seems that our husband counts his sojourn with pornography a “petty” offense, perhaps something on the level of telling a diplomatic lie or daydreaming in church about sports. Jesus will have none of that. He compares lust to adultery, which violates the Seventh Commandment. And if the husband were to read on in Matthew 5, he would find adultery to be grounds for divorce (v. 32). So his blasé response to the whole matter is utterly inappropriate.

If, however, the wife claims verse 28 as grounds for divorce, she should understand first that God nowhere commands divorce in the wake of adultery. Better the way of forgiveness and patience. She is living with a man in trouble who needs to be restored to marital fidelity and romantic intimacy.

Second, to count “heart adultery” identical to “body adultery” ignores the development principle found in James 1:15: “Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.” If the husband’s lust were the bitter end of the story, then Jesus would have offered no drastic corrective counsel in verse 29. It would have been too late to bother. But he knew that there were even more terrible things to come for those on the path of lust. Under the influence of pornographic fantasies, the man could easily draw others into the net of his sin, and destruction could multiply.

The payment for sin, whether heart-sin or body-sin, is death. Unfortunately, many minimize the offense in heart-sin, asking, “What’s the fuss?” But just as mistaken is the response, “What’s the use?” The sinner may ask this question in despair, convinced that his lust has disqualified him from the Kingdom. But this is to forget the cleansing, atoning power of the blood of Christ. Furthermore, the wounded spouse may ask the same wrongheaded question in disgust, “What’s the use?,” convinced that her husband is a lost cause. But this is to forget the transforming power of the Spirit and the blessed encouragement of Christian love. In this context, and in light of Christ’s holiness, mercy, and grace, both “What’s the fuss?” and “What’s the use?” are seen to be sub-Christian questions, unfit for Kingdom use.

One of our men’s retreats once touched on this topic.  Accountability is highly recommended.  Simple steps include putting computers in places where others can see what you are doing and installing accountability software.  The latter notes where you go and sends a monthly report by email to the accountability partner of your choice.  I did that on both my home and work computers to give extra incentive not to get drawn to the wrong sites.  You can still go where you want to, but now someone else will know.  X3 is a helpful software you download for free!  If you also have children or youth at home, all the computers should have this software.  You might also consider purchasing X3 pro or some other software for purchase that makes it harder for sharp youth to work around.  For more information go to: http://www.x3watch.com/x3watchfree.html

article adopted from Kairos Journal

First Baptist Church of Perryville is located at 4800 W. Pulaski Hwy., Perryville, MD, across from the Principio Health Center on Rt. 40.