by Steve Gallagher    

There was a time when my sole purpose in life was to have everything I wanted: TV, movies, sports, sexual experiences, whatever. I was deceived into believing that happiness was just beyond the next purchase or the next experience. I kept grasping for more and more.

Little did I realize at the time that there was an “enemy” leading me along by the nose. Solomon described how the devil can use a prostitute to accomplish this very thing: “With her many persuasions she entices him; with her flattering lips she seduces him. Suddenly he follows her as an ox goes to the slaughter, or as one in fetters to the discipline of a fool, until an arrow pierces through his liver; as a bird hastens to the snare, so he does not know that it will cost him his life.” (Proverbs 7:21-23) Just as this proverb portrays, before I knew what had happened to me, I was in terrible bondage to sin.
 

What I didn’t yet realize was that the devil was cultivating my Self-life to the point that it was completely in control of me. By the early ’80s, my life was one black mass of Self. There was no room for anyone else. Self demanded and received nearly everything it wanted.

Human logic would tell us that the more a person is given what he wants, the happier he will become. Actually, just the opposite is true. The devil knows full well that the more Self gets what it wants, the greater it will become inside a person. And the stronger that Self became inside me, the more miserable I became.

A strong Self-life affects a person in two primary ways. First, a robust Self-life will foster addictive behaviors, and then serves to keep an addict entrenched in his behavior. In my book, At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry I wrote:

“…sexual addiction is a by-product of a self-centered lifestyle. The person is addicted to illicit sex because he is consumed with Self. You can “treat” the sexual problem for the rest of your life, but until the selfish nature is dealt with, the propensity to sin will remain… As the believer matures as a Christian, he will become increasingly more interested in the lives of others. The less self-centered he becomes, the less important self-gratification will be in his life.”

The second thing about a vigorous Self-life is that it always brings with it a lot of collateral baggage. Allow me to offer a couple of examples out of my own life.

When I was in my worst days of sin, I was extremely prideful. Because Self was given so much leeway within me, I became increasingly obsessed with my own importance. One way this pride exhibited itself was through extreme defensiveness. If anyone said something that I perceived as a cutting remark, I would counter with a vicious and ugly volley of my own. I became so touchy that I couldn’t get along with hardly anyone. I knew my thinking was warped and I envied easygoing people. Yet, as hard as I tried to act more tolerant, I couldn’t seem to overcome my defensive nature. Only the most laid-back people could tolerate being around me. And this was only one of the ways that pride affected my life.

Another effect of my strong Self-life was fear. In spite of the fact that I was rash and daring in many ways, other forms of fear grew exponentially with my Self-life. For example, one way my fear manifested itself was in the paranoid thoughts I had at times. Of course, the fact that my pride continually made me odious to other people only served to strengthen my paranoia. Most people really didn’t like me! My feelings of rejection had plenty of reality to support them. It was all very painful.

What Jesus said is very true: “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.” (John 10:10) The enemy stole my joy, killed my decency and did everything possible to destroy my life. The unavoidable truth is that I gave him the right to do every bit of it to me.

However, just as true is the fact that Jesus offers us an abundant life free from the reign of sin and Self. Many sexual addicts want the Lord to take away their sin (actually, its consequences are the main thing they are concerned with), but don’t want anything else in their lives to be disturbed in the process. It doesn’t work that way, though. To have the life of Jesus flowing through our inner beings, Self must diminish.

Jesus revealed how this happens when He said, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life shall lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, he is the one who will save it.” (Luke 9:23-24)

If I could reword it a little, you might get a better sense of how it actually works in your life. “If anyone wants to be a Christian, he must work in conjunction with the Holy Spirit to diminish the power of Self. As he follows Me, he must embrace those spiritual processes which will crucify the tyrant of Self.”

When I came to the Lord, He began taking me through various painful trials that were meant to discipline and humble me. At the time I couldn’t understand what was happening. It seemed that every time I turned around I was facing the chastisement of the Lord.

You must understand that by the time I became a Christian, Self was enormous within me: I was full of debilitating pride; I had all kinds of fears and various forms of baggage. In short, I was a terrible mess.

I didn’t enjoy the trials that I faced. I didn’t like it when the Lord put me in a situation where I was humbled. I wasn’t happy when He would let me know that I had to give up some little indulgence. But I just kept doing my best to submit to His dealings—even when I didn’t understand what He was doing.

Now I can look back and see very clearly what He was up to. He was using all of these different forms of discipline in me to crucify my Self-life. Little did I realize that He was actually bringing me into a place of life and joy! Every time Self was dealt a blow, my love for sin died a little more. Each situation that humbled me in some way further diminished the ugly pride that had ruined my ability to get along with others. Every time I had to give up some selfish indulgence, I was becoming freer inside.

Eventually I came to understand what the Lord was doing. He was killing the tyrant of Self who had brought me into so much misery. When I started realizing all of the good that was coming to me through His process of sanctification, I began instituting my own disciplines into my life. For instance, I started fasting on a regular basis. I was determined to do anything (reasonable) I could to end this despot’s reign in my inside world.

All these years later, there are two things that stand out to me that I can say in conclusion. First, the Lord has never laid more on me than I could handle. I can honestly say that I have learned to trust Him. The second thing I can testify to is that it has been worth it all. I am free inside today! Yes, Jesus came that people could have life—and have it abundantly!

from Pure Life Ministries – for more information see their web site at: http://www.purelifeministries.org/

Ministering to Perryville since 1955, the First Baptist Church of Perryville is located on Route 40, 1 1/2 miles east of Route 222.