Note: This commentary was delivered by PFM President Mark Earley.

If you find yourself longing for someone to talk to, a true friend to whom you can

bare your soul, you are not alone. Recently, a Duke University researcher 

concluded that 25 percent of Americans have no one with whom they can have 

a meaningful conversation. And 50 percent of folks have two or less people of 

that sort in their lives. The statistics also indicate that the confidante network of 

the average American is shrinking.

These trends disturb me on a number of levels. In the culture at large, studies 

show that social isolation leads to greater risks for addiction, criminal tendencies, 

and depression. It also leaves the fabric of our community threadbare.

For the individual Christian, the amazing disappearing act of deep personal 

friendships is a tell-tale sign of spiritual malnutrition. Think about it. As Mindy 

Caliguire asks in her new small-group study guide, SPIRITUAL FRIENDSHIP, 

“What do you do when you can’t stand the thought of praying, when the words 

of the Bible seem plastic and false . . . when you have been doing everything 

‘right’ and the bottom falls out?” It’s at these times when it is the spiritual friends 

who throw us a life-preserver. They are, as one Puritan prayer says, God’s “hands 

and fingers taking hold of me.”

But having trustworthy, life-giving friendships is also necessary for the ordinary 

business of spiritual growth in the daily routine. These are the people who can 

lovingly point out our blind spots, with whom we confess our struggles and our 

sins, who help us in discerning God’s leading in our lives, and who share our 

everyday joys and sorrows. David had his Jonathan, Naomi her Ruth, and even 

Jesus had an intimate circle of three among the 12.

The Irish called these special people anamachara, or soul friends. And around 

600 A.D., when Christianity was spreading across that land more quickly than 

clover, soul friends were a mainstay of Christianity. In addition to spending 

regular times alone, times with the community at large, times with a small group, 

and times sharing the faith, each Christian had a soul-friend. According to scholar 

George G. Hunter, this was a peer, someone with whom one could be vulnerable 

and accountable.

Not only were these soul-friendships seen as the necessary ingredient for 

iron-sharpening-iron, but they were also a primary tool for spreading the 

Christian worldview. Any time that seekers, refugees, or aliens found themselves 

in the midst of these Christian communities, a particular believer in that 

community befriended them with the intentionality of becoming a soul friend. 

It began with what they called “the ministry of conversation” and often lead to the 

miracle of conversion.

A biblical worldview teaches us that God is inherently relational. The Father, Son, 

and Holy Spirit left their relational mark on us when they created man in their image. 

But today we live among people who, despite their cell phones, instant-messaging, 

and MySpace “friends,” are lonelier than ever. So seek out a soul friend yourself, 

and more importantly, be one. You can help make sure that a true friend is one 

thing that never becomes extinct.

Get links to further information on today's topic (http://www.breakpoint.org/listingarticle.asp?ID=7090)